(with questions for the heart)

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always felt it in my bones:

I wanted to be a man.

As a child, I would sneak into my dad’s closet, tug on his slacks that swallowed my legs, slip into his polished shoes, and imagine a life where I grew up to be him—or at least, a version of myself that felt… right. I’d pretend I was headed to work, maybe to meet a woman for lunch or dinner, feeling proud, strong, grounded in who I was.

Sometimes I’d find something—cotton, bits of fabric—to press onto my chin, imagining the scruff of a beard. And in those small moments of make-believe, I was free. I was me.

✨ When was the first time you felt truly like yourself? What did it feel like in your body?

Even now, that part of me still lives and breathes.

I remember the day I tried to share this truth with my ex. I told her that I sometimes wished I didn’t have breasts—that they felt foreign and uncomfortable, like a weight I couldn’t shake. I told her I was considering top surgery. But her reply was sharp:

She said she wasn’t attracted to trans men.

So I folded myself up.

Tucked away my truth.

And for twelve long years, I buried those aching parts of me.

✨ Have you ever silenced a part of yourself to be loved or accepted? What did it cost you?

I held it in for so long—not just because of her, but because of fear. Fear of what my mother might say, shaped by her old traditions and heavy cultural expectations. I didn’t want to be the cause of her heartache. So I stayed silent. I stayed small.

✨ What stories were you told growing up about who you were “allowed” to be? Whose voice still echoes in your decisions today?

But silence is a heavy burden. And eventually, it became too much to carry.

After twelve years of marriage, I cut my hair.

It might seem like a small thing, but for me, it was everything.

That first snip was a breath of air I’d been holding for over a decade.

It wasn’t just a haircut—it was release. It was reclamation.

In that moment, I wasn’t pretending anymore.

I was letting go of shame.

Letting go of expectations.

Letting go of the idea that I had to earn love by abandoning myself.

✨ What have you let go of recently—or what is your soul asking you to release?

I’m not done becoming. I’m still exploring what I want, what I need, and who I am. I’m still healing. Still shedding layers that were never truly mine.

But for the first time in a long time, I feel closer to home.

✨ What would it feel like to come home to yourself?